Eat These Foods Episode Two: Attack of the Kebabs

Here are a couple more places to satiate the hungry pains afflicting millions of Americans throughout the country. Hungry pain is a serious epidemic that can only be squelched by eating large amounts of food at top draw restaurants. Put down that Hot Pocket, it does not have the abilities to cure hungry pains! It will only add to your pain, as you will find out in the bathroom hours later. Remember that eating out not only helps you but also the American economy. We all must do our part to help out in these turbulent times. Go out and eat a gyro for America! If we don't, the communists win and Putin will be kissing children's stomachs all over the world. Save children's stomachs and your own by sharing a kebab with a beautiful girl.

Joe's Market
When to go: Lunch
What to order: Gyro
When asked to pick one particular item from the meat on bread category as my favorite, the Gyro wins out nine out of ten times. The combination of spiced lamb meat on a warm pita smothered with cucumber sauce is heavenly. I've often stated that if I were to come into a large amount of money I would buy a rotating vertical spit for my kitchen and constantly have gyro meat cooking. I'd keep a gallon tub of cucumber sauce in the fridge and pick up fresh pitas every week. If only there was a rotating vertical spit at Macy's I could put on our wedding registry. Gyros are easy to find around the Cities. There are many restaurants that make adequate to great gyros. Chris and Rob's makes a decent gyro. Shish, a restaurant I will discuss in a little bit, makes delicious gyros. Dino's, a chain around the Cities, offers many different types of gyros, including the delightful spicy gyro which substitutes a spicy feta sauce for the cucumber sauce. The spicy gyro is satisfying, but I always miss the cucumber sauce. To find the epitome of the gyro in the Twin Cities, one must venture over to Como Ave near VanCleve Park to a convenient store named Joe's Market. They make a gyro the way everyone should. Take a pita, put a glob of cucumber sauce on it, and spread it all around so every bite gets the sauce's flavor. Put on a little lettuce, onion, and tomato to make it seem like there is some healthy aspect in eating a gyro. Fill up the pita with gyro meat until the pita can barely fold up. It should be so full of meat that one can't put the gyro down without fear of all the contents falling out. This is how Joe's makes their gyros and they only charge $4.49 for one. In comparison, Dino's gyros don't have nearly as much meat and sauce yet they charge over six dollars for one. The combination of the best gyro with the lowest cost makes Joe's one of the best places to grab lunch in the Cities.

Shish
When to go: Dinner
What to order: The Kebab Trio
Laura and I were recently introduced to this excellent Mediterranean restaurant in St. Paul located near Macalester College on Grand Ave. We've only been there a couple times and everything we have eaten has been fabulous. The first time we went I was obligated to order the gyro and compare it to Joe's. While it wasn't as good as Joe's, it was an excellent gyro, possibly the second best I've had in the Cities. On our second trip, I branched out from my meat on bread love and ordered meat on sticks. The Kebab Trio included a kebab of chicken, a kebab of lamb, and a kebab of beef. The meat was cooked beautifully and each kind was spiced differently, giving us a wide array of flavor. I'm unable to explain what the different spices were on the meats as picking out distinct spices is beyond my palate. All I know is they tasted good and I wanted three more skewers of each. As I'm partial to lamb meat, I found it to be the most delicious. It came with a white sauce on the side that I assumed was cucumber sauce until I tried it. The sauce was great with the meat but I couldn't figure out what the ingredients could be. Again, I have no discernible palate. It's very frustrating. It turned out to be a garlic sauce, which is right up my ally as garlic makes everything taste better. The Kebab Trio also came with some well cooked saffron rice and fresh pitas with hummus. Give me some pitas with hummus and I'll be happy. It was a great meal and permanently placed Shish on our dining out rotation, even if it is all the way in St. Paul.

It's a good thing Laura and I just went to Joe's Market on Wednesday. If we hadn't, I would be having excruciating hungry pains right now thinking about all this gyro meat. I should be good now for a week or two. Stay tuned for the next installment, which will include the best coleslaw in the world. And what do you do with that coleslaw? Put it on bread with meat. Damn, now I have hungry pains.