Republicans Invade!

Over the glorious Labor Day weekend the Twin Cities was awash with humanity. Three separate events drew in thousands of people to congest our fair streets and test the metro's collective patience. The least aggravating of the three events was move in at the U of M. Having moved in or out of housing seven times over the last five years, I understand the difficulties a move causes and the stress it puts on the participants. It's not much fun when the basement of your new house has just flooded and you have nowhere to put all your roommates possessions that he left for you to move in while he was studying abroad. My own moving experiences gave me patience on Labor Day when I was maneuvering around trailers and trucks parked in the middle of streets in Dinkytown. College students and parents, I know your pain. Continue moving your futon and mini-fridges. Patiently managing the streets of the Como neighborhood was better than hitting the highways and running into the always fun State Fair traffic.

I enjoy the Minnesota State Fair. The food is greasy, fatty, and delicious. Can't get hot dish on a stick anywhere else. There is no better place to sit and watch people. Much better than the mall. Some quality music acts grace the main stage. Sculptures made out of butter are on display. And you can watch a live birth. An animal live birth. Which is equally as disturbing. Sure, it may cost an arm and a leg for admission and the food. You just have to know going in that you will drop forty dollars on food and leave ten pounds heavier. But you will still feel good about yourself as there is always some four hundred pound man with a turkey leg in one hand and a deep fried Oreo in the other. Thank you Billy Ray from Pine City (Greden shoutout!) for gorging yourself at the fair. You always make me feel better. I have nothing against the State Fair except for the traffic it causes. The highways are busy at all times of the day. The exits nearest the fairgrounds are backed up onto the highway. Around the fairgrounds traffic is slow and congested as people search for that perfect parking spot. Clovis and Raylenne from Brainerd are intimidated by the big city and drive fifteen miles under the speed limit. Thank god for Metro Transit that has numerous free park and rides shuttling people to and from the fair. They make all the difference in keeping the roads drivable, if not enjoyable. It was nice to have you State Fair goers, you weren't the worst visitors. Now hit the treadmill before you come back next year.

Of all the visitors to the Twin Cities over the weekend, the worst were the thousands of Republicans converging on our quiet little metro for the Republican National Convention. There are three reasons why they are the worst of all the visitors. One: they are Republicans. Were a pretty liberal area and we'd like to keep it that way. Two: they're here until Thursday. It's not like the State Fair visitors or parents moving in their kids who hang around maybe for one night. The Republicans have been here for a couple days and they're going to be here for a couple more. Kind of like relatives that overstay their visit but you have to be nice and let them stay. Three: They rushed the 35W bridge completion for the RNC to make traveling easier for all the incoming Republicans. The bridge is not complete. They decided not to put a lightrail on the bridge as it would take longer. The lightrail will now be built on Washington Ave. in the heart of the U of M. This will cause horrible traffic around the U of M. Laura works at the U of M and we still go to places in that area frequently. We are not looking forward to the future of driving around the U. Indirectly, I blame this on the Republicans. That may not be fair, but I don't care. I will be thrilled when the RNC is over on Thursday night and the city will be purged of all its visitors. I know it will be good for the economy of the Twin Cities as all the old, white people go out and paint the town red. Just don't expect me out and about till Friday.

Hold on, there is one positive thing about the Republicans invading: The bars are open until four in the morning. I can get up at 2:30, shower and shave, dress for work, and go to a bar for a little pre-work pick me up. Work would probably be a hell of a lot more fun that way.

I'm voting for Obama. It's time for some new blood. And someone without tiny dinosaur arms.