Go Away Football

Unfortunately for me, the college football season starts this weekend. Even worse, the NFL will begin the following week. This means that ESPN will start filling ninety percent of their lineup with football. Actually, they've been doing that since the Favre saga. The start of the season changes nothing. It does mean the return of Sean Salisbury, Lee Corso, and all the other great football minds to fill us with oodles of inside information. Instead of seeing comprehensive highlights of the Brewers taking on the Cardinals, ESPN will show us Jessica Simpson in a skybox and hold a ten minute, round-table debate with five analysts on whether or not her attendance causes Tony Romo to wet his pants in nervousness. I'll probably end up watching a lot of the British sports news this fall that I get on Fox Soccer Channel. I don't understand a lick of cricket or care to watch highlights from the dog track, but at least it's not filled with talking heads regurgitating the same information over and over. I know I'm in the minority, but football bores me. Other than the occasional great tackle or spectacular catch, it's painfully repetitive. I dread the day baseball ends and all I'm left with is soccer until the spring when basketball and hockey heat up. If the Gophers play well (which won't happen) or the Bears contend (which won't happen with bearded, drunk Orton at the helm), I'll watch a little football. Most likely you'll find me on Saturday and Sunday watching some top class soccer or a hotly contested pennant race. Or I could go outside and enjoy the beautiful fall weather with its changing foliage. We'll see how comfortable our new couch is. That will be a major factor. Now feel free to make fun of soccer. I know all you football lovers are itching to.

Now for some quick thoughts...

-After taking the first two from the Angels in Anaheim, the Twins have dropped their last four, two of them coming in Seattle against the lowly Mariners. They've lost even though their starting rotation has pitched adequately. Once again the bullpen has blown some leads, but the real fault is with the hitting who have not come through against the poor Mariners rotation. It's on Tim Pawlenty if the Twins have a bad roadtrip and miss the playoffs. Boo RNC!

-Pineapple Express is an entertaining, funny movie mostly because of James Franco. Hilarious in the under appreciated Freaks and Geeks as the stoner burnout Daniel Desario, Franco is able to show off his comedic talent again as the perpetually stoned pot dealer who finds himself on the run when one of his customers witnesses a murder and drags him into the ordeal. Franco's character will go down with Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused and Sean Penn in Fastimes at Ridgemont High as one of the greatest movie stoners.

-Who's excited for the English Premier League? Arsenal! Chelsea! Man Utd! Hull City! After two weeks the table is already screwed up. Hull City, a team in the top flight for the first time in their existence, is undefeated with a win and a tie. They were expected to challenge Derby County (big shoutout to Derby, Mr. Fyfe's number one team) as the worst team in Premier League history. Tottenham is looking more like Derby after losing at home to Sunderland and at Middlesborough, two middle of the road teams. When you spend nearly fifty million pounds on players, I don't think you should be at the foot of the table. It should be an exciting season as there will be many teams vying for European spots and many trying to save themselves from relegation.

-Did anybody understand the last paragraph?

-All you can eat chicken tenders is a great idea. Thank you Applebee's. Not only were they delicious, but the waitress gave me a second order without asking and a box for me to take home the extras. Olive Garden never lets me have a to go box during the never ending pasta bowl. I want five bowls of pasta and five to go boxes please.